Whether you a new stepparent or looking to strengthen the family you already in here are some great expert-approved rules for correcting the kids
What Works and What Doesn’t. Stepkids will constantly test the boundaries of the new family dynamic and are likely to push some buttons. Instead, the mind-set of the stepparent should rather be connection before correction. It would be better if the biological parent handle the majority of the discipline enforcement.
Talk to your spouse about what’s working and what’s not. Keep in mind that you are from two different family cultures and you have very different positions in your family. You may not agree with each other right away, but stay caring and open to each other despite your differences.
Limit the changes regarding the kids
Your children is already going through lots of changes, divorce, remarriage, new siblings, new house, and new rules, give your family time to settle in and get used to the new living arrangement. Remember that all members will need to compromise. That means you, too. Research shows that it can take four to seven years for a stepfamily to function like a family, so be patient.
Set the base level of respect.
You can’t force children to like or love a stepparent,however you can require a standard level of respect of them. You as the biological parent should set the convey the message, when you disrespect my husband or wife, you disrespect me, and the expectation for how the child needs to treat the new stepparent.
Stepparents shouldn’t be the disciplinarian.
Experts all agree that the stepparent should not act as the disciplinarian. Harsh, authoritarian behavior from a stepmother or stepfather is sure to backfire. Until you and the kids are well bonded, they likely won’t see you as an authority figure and will resist any disciplining you attempt. This can make stepparent very difficult. Instead, see your role as similar to that of a babysitter. Remind the kids of the rules and report misbehavior to the biological parent.
Get to know your stepchild.
Spending one-to-one time with your stepchild will strengthen your bond. If you have teenage stepchildren, remember they wouldn’t want to be forced into a sit-down, face-to-face, “let’s get to know each other” but try doing what they love, shoot some hoops or watching their favorite movies or play a playstion game. Use that one-on-one time to talk to him or her. You will want to build the relationship through shared experiences that will naturally give you opportunities to learn about each other. If possible, choose an activity that neither biological parent does with the child to limit any sense of competition.
Don’t be a pushover.
DON’T be a pushover. It may be best for you to play a backseat role in regard to discipline, this doesn’t mean that you have to be non-participant. Remember authoritative parenting is loving and kindness, while still making developmentally appropriate demands for maturity and setting realistic requests of the kids.
DON’T take everything personally.
Your stepchildren are dealing with their own feelings of loss, anger, confusion, and resentment about the divorce or remarriage. It may be easy to see their misbehavior as a direct attack on you, keeping in mind that they need space and time to process the changes. Children aren’t responsible for liking and getting along with the stepparent experts say. It’s really the stepparents’ responsibility because they are the adults.when faced with childrens misbehavior or disrespect, maintain a sense of calm and maturity.